Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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