Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
try to milk me bitch
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
