Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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