I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
