also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
