Pants 0. Shit 1.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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