WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
