yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
