i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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