Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize