Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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