hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
