I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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