I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
