anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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