Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize