nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
