We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize