these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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