i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
