So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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