He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
