You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
