My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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