omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i out mim tonsoeep
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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