This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
