Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
