Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
