I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
is it fun? or sober?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
