I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
