I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's shark week go big or go home
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
