ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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