i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
