I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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