So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
