thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
