It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
