So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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