i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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