Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
