I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
