My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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