i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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