I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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