I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize