So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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