imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
