Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
