Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
