Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
