I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Text me some of your sweat
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
