dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
