if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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