Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dignity is for republicans.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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