you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize