I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
