I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
