My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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