fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
