I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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