I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
