nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
