so that wasnt chicken after all
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
