so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
