he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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