Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
