i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize