i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ladies don't puke and tell
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
