Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
