Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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