Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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