I'm going to jail i love you
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
