Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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